Keagan’s World

Before I get into the topic of today I wanted to share a couple things with you.

Couple fun notes for y’all

Thank you.

You all have been so awesome over the past few days. Like seriously warmed my heart having you reach out to hype this up, tell me you’d be following along, and show some love. Stunned. Thank you.

Before yesterday, I didn’t believe this would be much more than me writing to my family + maybe a couple super super tight friends if I was lucky. You all have given me the motivation to make this stick. And I sincerely mean that.

I’m gonna add a regular newsletter to subscribers

Shoutout Quinn for the idea. Yeah this may mean more “work”, BUT (and if you tell any of my past English teachers this I will deny it) I’m really liking this writing thing. It’s just story-telling (which many of you know I love maybe too much) that opens the door to fun conversations with pals.

So. Details:

Essentially, while the blog is going to be sporadic trips inside my head as it relates to my journey, the newsletter is going to be more a summary of what I’ve been doing since my last update.

If you have any ideas of what you’d like to see in a regular newsletter please let me know !

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Last times aren’t always the best times, but the memories are always nostalgic

I’m teaching a high school choir class right now.

Well, teaching is maybe a strong word considering my level, or lack thereof, of singing capability. Just ask anyone who’s been unlucky enough to get stuck in the row in front of me at church or roped into a round of karaoke (If that is you, I’m so sorry). It’s so unfortunate because I love singing and singing LOUD. I digress (I just googled to make sure I used that right so grammar warriors lmk if that’s wrong).

The kids just finished up leg two of Artastic—the biggest performing arts performance of the year, the night before so everyone was amped up and chatty. In a class loaded up with seniors, inevitably it came up eventually:

“Guys… that was our last Artastic…” *frowny face*

Then the stream of story-sharing, cackling, and joy.

And it got me thinking about the era of “last times” we all go through our final year of high school and, more recently, college. And then that made me realize I’m going through my own slew of last times. Heck this is probably my last substitute teaching gig so I’m doing a last time right now.

Reffing my last hockey game. Poker nights with the buddies. Watching my brother’s game. Living with my family.

Kinda weird huh? When I reflect on the last times, I smile. But there’s also that twinge of sorrow that comes with that realization that its coming to a close. What gets me the most though is how those experiences went rarely tends to change how I feel when looking back. Don’t get me wrong, if something was abysmally horrible I ain’t gettin all feelsy over it. However, there are still many things where when I take a step back, I gotta question why I’m gettin all Marvin’s Room over it.

Take reffing for example. Yeah I enjoy reffing. But when your last game results in you needing to eject 4 people for cussing you out, taking a baseball swing at a kid’s head, and knocking someone out (all distinct moments btw) it makes me wonder what I’m really getting all feelsy about. I sure as hell hated dealing with them or the paperwork that comes with their stupidity. But I still get that smile and twinge of sorrow when thinking about it in retrospect.

Kickin’ it up a notch, let’s talk about Greek life hazing. Now I personally did not experience this as Greek life ended up not being the thing for me. However, I’ve heard enough from friends to know that describing hazing as rough is an understatement. A true iykyk…

Yet, every single person comes back with some variation of “it was totally worth it and kinda fun“. I remember damn well those guys were not feeling that way when they were doing knuckle-push ups on broken glass at 3am on a Tuesday, but the point stands that they still reminisce.

Circling back (favorite corporate buzzword) to Artastic. I actually performed in the thing my freshman and sophomore years of high school as a trumpet player in our Jazz Lab (the one where no one wanted to actually practice anything). So I KNOW there is a lot of pain, drama, and maybe a few tears leading up to the event. Everyone is trying to be perfect, running low on sleep, and incredibly prone to crankiness.

But no one is talking about that.

They’re talking about the good times and even if a tense part is brought up, it’s all laughter and smiles as if it was a big joke or misunderstanding.

As an aside, enjoy this pre-concert photo I dug up from the trumpet glory days. Yes this made it to social media. Yes it’s embarrassing. But that was 8.5 years ago so it’s humor now.

We have this tendency to grab onto the good in experiences and push away the bad, ultimately creating these romanticized memories that put us in our feels. Now I recognize I’m just mansplaining nostalgia right now, but I promise this isn’t the point I’m trying to make.

I have a completely correct, alternative, non-science backed theory behind this phenomenon. You ready?

We just want to be happy.

We just want to be content with our lives, the decisions we’ve made, and the things we’ve done. In my completely correct, alternative, non-science backed theory, nostalgia is the brain’s way of selectively savoring exclusively good vibes while letting go of the negative emotions associated with an experience.

You may ask, “So what about the fact that we still remember the bad experiences themselves?”

Or you’re probably not… but I’m gonna explain how this is possible in my completely correct, alternative, non-science backed theory.

The stuff I’ve explained above is largely controlled by the Amygdala, the section in the brain associated with emotional processing and memory. The events themselves and what occurred is controlled by your hippocampus. So in this theory, the amygdala has discretion over the emotions to remember while the hippocampus does NOT have discretion over the events to remember.

This distinction allows us to explain why we remember the events even when they’re negative, but can rehash them while maintaining happiness in the memory.

Do not cite this in anything scientific because everything I just said is a load of BS.

Except one thing: we DO just want to be happy.

So, I’m prioritizing filling my trip with decisions and experiences that bring me contentment. I think it’s time I give my Amygdala a break sorting the good from the bad. This is your sign to give your Amygdala a little break too.

Do something that makes you happy.

Until next time 🫡